From Grievance to Grief: Narcissism and the Inability to Mourn

Abstract

Narcissistic defenses, such as grandiosity, devaluation, and idealization, are employed in an effort to avoid the experience of unbearable loss. When such defences fail, an individual experiences narcissistic rage, which can evolve into chronic states of grievance. The separateness of objects and the inevitability of death are particular challenges to the wish for an ideal reality. The analyst, as well as the patient, struggles with the temptations of constructing an alternate reality without limits, and occurrences of boundary violations can result from such unconscious mutual collusion between analyst and patient. An analytic case is described to illustrate instances of narcissistic defences against unbearable loss.